July 2010
43 posts
1 tag
From Someone Else1
“I got a call today that was completely unnerving and ridiculous. It could either be a complete lie or the best thing to happen to me in months of slow work. Slow being the operative word in that sentence. It was from the area code 780. I’ve never received a call from that area code, apparently it’s in Canada.
Anyway, this man sounded quite a bit older, one of the reasons I...
What I have is the only true power
it is something wild. something that smells like sandalwood that tastes like Acaraje. Bahia. Home. I am on fire like unfiltered cigarettes and I will ruin your lungs in the same way with my smoke I am unhealthy in large doses. Being clever the way I am you will lose yourself in me before you lose your clothing I am the woman men dream about and fear ...
Hormones.
Listen, we need to have a talk.
You will never know how grateful I am that you aren’t pumping the ugliness of testosterone through my veins. Really. That stuff is poison at best. I’ve seen how it changes people, i’m aware of how quickly it can overpower Aestrogen, and it’s scary. I don’t want that. Being a girl works for me. I mean that.
Having said all this,...
I’m a spring leaf trembling in anticipation is the nicest way I could think of to say I can’t wait till my new vibrator shows up.
You’d think, judging by the way I talk about sex, research sexuality, and participate in sex culture that i’d have a sex life, naw bro.
I’m 23 with no prospects…all of this good pussy is going to waste!*
*I make myself laugh.
Shapes
I’m designing clothes, a capsule collection of about 20 pieces, and am finding myself preoccupied with shapes these because of it. Whenever I look at people i’m glossing over the details of their outfits, paying attention to the cut of the jacket, the roundness of the back and how closely tailored the waist is. Maybe a woman’s dress happens to be a loose shift with a close cut...
….and then the girl said “wait, wait, wait for it little sister. what you seek is in the trees and the air. the grass in your mouth is a distraction. the longing in your throat isn’t real.”
Sometimes you want to tear off your own face and feed it to a pack of wolves who will then, upon smelling the blood from your now mutilated skull, attack you and eat you alive.
——-
Actually, I am just embarrassed.
Every day is an opportunity to get my hustle on.
Decisions.
So it’s come to this. I never thought it would, but I should have anticipated it…I am flighty when it comes to these sorts of decisions. Now I have to decide:
Go to Siem Reap in Cambodia for a while in the winter,
Go to Saligao in Goa, India for a while next spring,
Or get a breast augmentation.
I am really interested in getting the boob job. I like the ones I have, they’re...
I am lucky no one reads these ramblings.
“Modern Day Virgin
When Musashi, the double-handed swordsman sired his woman, he...”
– The Uzbexican Samurai
Lions get all the love, what about we Jaguar women? It’s hard out here for a Jaguar, y’all.
I am curious. Aren’t we all created in the minds and hearts of our lovers? Considering that no one can ever really know you as you are, bits and pieces must come from...
loneliness like grief, like a moving river, sometimes high and sometimes low. but always there. the glass pane that separates you from him and her, from feeling that way, from touching joy. loneliness you remember everyday, the kind that you breathe into the air, the kind that you fear may be airborne but isn’t actually communicable because you will never give it to someone else. you will...
I would like to, one day, meet a man who is not so taken by the outside of me that he doesn’t bother to get to the inside of me. One Day.
Hopefully.
Sex is revenge for everything that has defeated you in life.
I may have a mild obsession with beautiful images because part of me wants my own beauty validated in an image of some sort. I can admit that, however, so i’m halfway to getting over that latent insecurity.
I don’t think i’m ugly, though. It’s more like a fear that other people do not see women like me as attractive, or worthy of love or valuable in any way. When I look at...
Funny Enough.
The most beautiful thing about the internet is that it give you the space to be quietly obsessed with anything from Armenian Church hymns, specific skirt lengths, small waists on women with large breasts and hips, to people you’ve just met and places you have never been.
Or even a film you’ve only seen bits of. Or a song you’d be embarrassed to tell people you know about.
I...
1 tag
Men worry me. I am not sure how they work, when to call, give them space, until they inform me. I am quite adept at taking orders and following directions. Who wants to be tasked with telling someone “Ok, you can call me at this time, but then you have to wait 5 days or i’m going to think you’re desperate and lose interest. Also, you can text, but if I don’t respond you...
WatchChimamanda Adichie on the danger of a single story. Good Good. Plus, she’s got the Zadie Smith, Bettie and all the other women of the diaspora hair wrap on. Taking me back to the winter, back to when I hid my hair from anyone I wasn’t fucking for almost 6 months. He loved that. Everyone wants something that’s just theirs, right?
1 tag
Something1
There is a man who brings flowers. He speaks several languages. He is awkward, physically, but he’s wonderfully intuitive and knows how to talk to a woman because he doesn’t know how so he treats you as if you were human. He doesn’t think this is as revolutionary as it is. It’s the most charming thing. The Brasilians worry most about how big your ass is, or how lifted your...
1 tag
Dreams, Coitus.
There is not a wind. I am sure of this. My legs are smooth. As smooth as anything else that has been recently depilated. And what of the linen? Starched. There is something to be said about ironed linen. My nipples are more aware of my surroundings than my head and who can blame them, they are the center of attention. My body is a feast. I am being worn as a crown.
What woman is not driven by...
“Blow oh wind to where my loved one is. Touch him and come touch me soon....”
– Ramayana 